Archive for October, 2005

The Yuppie And The Shepherd

Posted by bishop in Old Content on October 25, 2005

A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of the dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a Broni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the shepherd, “If I tell you exactly how many sheep you have in your flock, will you give me one?”

The shepherd looked at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looked at his peacefully-grazing flock and calmly answered, “Sure.”
The yuppie parked his car, whipped out his IBM Thinkpad and connected it to a cell phone, then he surfed to a NASA page on the Internet where he called up a GPS satellite navigation system, scanned the area, and then opened up a database and an Excel spreadsheet with complex formulas. He sent an email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, received a response. Finally, he prints out a 150 page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized printer then turns to the shepherd and says, “You have exactly 1,586 sheep”.
“That is correct, take one of the sheep,” said the shepherd.
He watches the young man select one of the animals and bundle it into his car. Then the shepherd says: “If I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my sheep?”
“OK, why not,” answered the young man.
“Clearly, you are a consultant” said the shepherd.
“That’s correct,” says the yuppie, “but how did you guess that?”
“No guessing required,” answers the shepherd. “You turned up here, although nobody called you. You want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked, and you don’t know ANY THING about my business. Now, give me back my dog”.

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Wow

Posted by bishop in Old Content on October 13, 2005

So,  I know I’ve been a complete and total slacker.  I haven’t updated my blog in who knows how long.  Let me bring you up to speed.At work…we had some major outages.  I put in some good Overtime…unpaid of course.At my other job, nothing really major or new.  Same old Same old, still love every shift I get to work.I know most of you have noticed that I’m never online much anymore and I don’t blog much (not that I was a master blogger to begin with).  I’ve been spending every possible moment I can with Melissa and the girls.  It’s such an amazing relationship we have going.  God has truly blessed us by bringing the 2 of us together.  My biggest fear, the girls and how they’d respond to me, is no longer a fear.  The girls are really opening up to me.  I’ve been teaching them war, the card game, and they will all 3 sit down and play and get so excited when I come over and bring a deck of cards.  I think sometime this weekend or next week, I’m going to start teaching them Go Fish.  The other night, Alyssa sat next to me on the couch, scooted right up next to me, and whispered, “Mommy really likes you.  You should marry her.”  Now, tell me, is that not cute!!!!  Apparently, around the same time, Rebecca went to mom and said “We really like Bill.  We want him to be our step-dad.”  It’s really a great feeling to know that they like me so much.When we started dating, I was really concerned about how her parents would feel about me and more importantly, how the girls would feel about me.  For everything to be going to right, there’s no doubt in my mind or Melissa’s that God brought us together.  Let’s see… a couple weekends ago, I went to Tanner’s with Will and Jenny to pick apples, but more importantly, to get cider.  Lets face it, you suffer thru picking apples just so you can get the cider at the end!This past weekend, I went out with Melissa, the girls, and her parents for her Dad’s birthday.  The twins argued over who got to sit by me.  Then I worked Friday night.  Saturday, I had lunch with dad, cleaned house, and went to Melissa’s.  Sunday, I drove the bus up to Methiasan state park for Word In The Woods with the CFG.  That was a good time.  We had a couple of problems getting there, but overall, a great trip!!This week has been pretty normal overall.  I didn’t get to see or talk to Melissa last night Sad Tonight we’re having dinner with my Dad and my Step-Mom.  Then I think we’re going to hang out at her house Friday night and Saturday night her, I, Julie, Jeremy, and all the kids are getting together for a cookout.  Sunday I’m playing Bass at church, and then off to Fuel to run sound.Thanks about it.  Busy as all get out, but loving every minute of it.

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Never say to a cop

Posted by bishop in Old Content on October 13, 2005

1. I can’t reach my license unless you hold my beer. (OK in Texas)

2. Sorry, Officer, I didn’t realize my radar detector wasn’t plugged in.

3.Aren’t you the guy from the Village People?

4. Hey, you must’ve been doin’ about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good
job!

5. Are You Andy or Barney?

6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be
a police officer.

7. You’re not gonna check the trunk, are you?

8. I pay your salary!

9. Gee, Officer! That’s terrific. The last officer only gave me a
warning, too!

10. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.

11. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no
other cars around. That’s how far ahead of me they are.

12. When the Officer says “Gee Son….Your eyes look red, have you been
drinking?” You probably shouldn’t respond with, “Gee Officer your eyes
look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?”

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