Archive for February, 2006

Something to make you feel smarter

Question:  If you could live forever, would you and why?

Answer:  “I would not live forever, because we should not
live forever, because  if we were supposed to live forever,
then we would live forever, but  we cannot live forever,
which is why I would not live  forever,”

–Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.

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“Whenever  I watch TV and see those poor starving kids
all over the world, I  can’t help but cry. I mean I’d love
to be skinny like that, but not  with all those flies and
death and  stuff.”

–Mariah  Carey

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“Smoking  kills. If you’re killed, you’ve lost a very
important part of your life,”

–Brooke  Shields, during an interview to become
Spokesperson for federal  anti-smoking campaign.

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“I’ve  never had major knee surgery on any other part
of my  body,”
–Winston  Bennett,
University of Kentucky basketball forward.

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“Outside  of the killings, Washington  has one of the
lowest crime rates in the country,”

–Mayor  Marion  Barry, Washington, DC.

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“I’m  not going to have some reporters pawing through
our papers. We are the president.” (we are????)

–Hillary  Clinton  commenting on the release of
subpoenaed  do*****ents.

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“That  lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death
by a jackass, and I’m  just the one to do it,”

–A  congressional candidate in Texas.

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“Half  this game is ninety percent mental.”

–Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny  Ozark

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“It isn’t pollution that’s harming the environment. It’s
the impurities in  our air and water that are doing it.”

–Al Gore,  Vice President (DUH !) and he wanted to be
President!!!!!!!!!

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“I love California.  I practically grew up in Phoenix.”
does he know where he almost grew up???…..

–Dan  Quayle

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“We’ve  got to pause and ask ourselves: How much
clean air do we need?” (I say all we can get, I’ll
take his clean air)

–Lee Iacocca

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“The  word “genius” isn’t applicable in football. A
genius is a guy like  Norman Einstein.”  –

–Joe  Theisman,  NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.

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“We don’t necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude
certain types of people.” (Oh,  well that’s different, I
think)??????

–Colonel  Gerald  Wellman,  ROTC Instrutor.

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“If we don’t succeed, we run the risk of failure.”
(really???????)

–Bill Clinton,  President

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“We  are ready for an unforeseen event that
may or may not  occur.”

–Al  Gore,  VP (Gee but he’s smart)

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“Traditionally, most of Australia’s  imports come
from overseas.”

–Keppel Enderbery

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“Your  food stamps will be stopped effective
March 1992 because we received  notice that
you passed away. May God bless you. You may
reapply if  there is a change in your circumstances.”

–Department  of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina

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“If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack
in at night as they  go to
bed and it will monitor their
heart throughout the night. And  the next morning, when
they wake up dead, there’ll be a  record.”

–Mark  S.  Fowler,  FCC Chairman

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